OkCupid Fail

I've decided to do a detox for april: no booze & no boys

I cancelled my Match.com & OkCupid subscription. Truthfully, I am tired of meeting guys online...then seeing them in person and finding out that through a computer screen, objects may appear more appealing than they are.

Having said that, I sifted through some of my favorite online ogles and am posting them below. Enjoy! All spelling and grammatical errors have been transcribed for authenticity.

come here
April 24, 2009 - 4:11am

(WARNING: Random though to proceed) Wow its fucked up how this website just puts people next to you in a line and then say 'more loving' or 'more adventurous'. this website is such a cockblock.

ok, beautiful lady, passes my filters. nothing left to do but meet you on my stallion and off to the sunset we go. Its not a white horse, those are expensive. I got a run of the mill, economy class, painted horse, but its sexy brown and white.......i digress.

NO EXCUSES WOMAN, you're hot, I'm hot, Lets make this happen. Our kids will be beautiful. My name is Vincent, 347-xxx-xxxx, after 10am and before 10pm please.

you may now resume your regularly scheduled life.

Let me get this straight...first he's telling me how there are more adventurous and loving guys than him, then baits me with a sexy brown and white horse, and finishes with a prediction for our future babies' appearances. I am tripping over myself to get to the phone! But what if I want to call before 10am and after 10pm? I guess it's just not meant to be.

(No Subject)
Jun. 10, 2009 - 4:08pm

hi how you doing? im really into asian woman. i dont know y asian woman are pretty like u ^_~

i dont know y but i really like articulate man like u. we are match made in heaven.

Hello
Jun. 18, 2009 - 10:49pm

Isn't attraction incredible? Imagine relaxing into strong arms holding you, feeling safe and appreciated and intimate, knowing it's totally right. I'm looking too. I'm emotionally literate and willing to take risks. If this speaks to you, message me back.

you are the sweetest girl i have seen on this site
Jul. 7, 2009 - 11:54am

you are very very sexy, hot to. im glenn i would love to be with you, for sure, im mello and would love to cuddle with you for many nights, caress, massage, see how we get along and if we get along well maybe more, i work for airline, love to travel, you want come with me, please write back sweetheart.

I'm speechless.

hi
Aug. 11, 2009 - 4:45pm

Tall, Dark, Italian American, 6'1", very fit and affluent, MBA, seeks an attractive classy lady, intelligent, confident, honest. I love fine dining, the arts, music, reading and much more.

When did this turn into craigslist? I wonder if MBA stands for Major Bullshit Attached?

Let's hope April's showers washes away all the unsuitable men so come May, I'll be ready to play!

xoxo